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有什么好笑的話
老公: 現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)?
老婆： 十點(diǎn)。
老公： 整嗎?
老婆： 太早了吧，別人都沒有睡覺呢!
老公： 我是問十點(diǎn)整嗎?
老婆： 十一點(diǎn)再整吧。
老公： 你媽的,我問你是不是1 0點(diǎn)整。
老婆： 你媽的，1 1點(diǎn)在整，你一天不搞我 你不得勁是不是?
老公： 我只是在問，現(xiàn)在是1 0點(diǎn)鐘整么?
老婆： 整整整，現(xiàn)在就整!!!!!
一位女子征婚，開出的交友條件有兩點(diǎn)
1.要帥
2....
我是一棵孤獨(dú)的樹，千百年來矗立在路旁，寂寞的等待，只為有一天當(dāng)你從我身邊走過時(shí)，為你傾倒，砸不扁你就算白活了。
noh ss!w I，一定看不懂吧，笨啊，孩子!手機(jī)拿倒了!
如果今天晚上有顆星星掉下來砸到了你的頭上，請不要擔(dān)心，這是我托神仙哥哥送給你的禮物，從此你就會(huì)……過著無憂無慮的幸福生活，因?yàn)?-傻掉了
如果一片樹葉代表快樂我就送你森林，如果一滴水代表一個(gè)祝福我就送你大海，如果一根針代表我對你的思念我就送你仙人球：小樣，我就不信扎不死你!
不是因?yàn)檫@樣寒冷地夜晚才想起你，是因?yàn)檫@樣寒冷地夜晚想起的只有你，難道你看不出我是真心的嗎?我依戀你溫柔的懷抱，一刻也不能離開，親愛的棉被
一個(gè)美國人,一個(gè)法國人還有一個(gè)中國人走在大沙漠中,走著走著看到一個(gè)瓶子,打開瓶塞后飄出來一個(gè)人來,那個(gè)人說:“我是神仙,我能滿足你們每個(gè)人三個(gè)愿望!” 美國人第一個(gè)搶著說:“我第一個(gè)愿望是要很多的錢�！鄙裣烧f:“這個(gè)簡單,滿足你!說說第二個(gè)愿望吧�！泵绹苏f:“我還要很多的錢!”神仙滿足他的愿望后,美國人又說了他的第三個(gè)愿望:“把我弄回家�！鄙裣烧f:“沒問題�！庇谑敲绹藥е芏嗟腻X回了美國。 神仙又問法國人.法國人說:“我要美女!”神仙給了他美女。法國人又說:“我還要美女!”神仙也滿足了他,給了他美女。法國人最后說到:“把我送回法國。”神仙把法國人送回國后問中國人要什么。 中國人說:“先來瓶二鍋頭吧�！鄙裣山o了他。問他第二個(gè)愿望是什么。中國人說:“再來一瓶二鍋頭!”神仙問他第三個(gè)愿望是什么。中國人說:“我挺想法國人和美國人的,你把他們都弄回來吧�！� 法國人和美國人氣的不得了,但又無可奈何,三個(gè)人只好繼續(xù)走。 走著走著又看見一個(gè)瓶子,打開塞子后又冒出一個(gè)人來,那個(gè)人說:“我是剛才那個(gè)神仙的弟弟,法力沒他高強(qiáng),所以只能滿足你們每個(gè)人兩個(gè)愿望�！� 法國人和美國人合計(jì)合計(jì)認(rèn)為先讓中國人說為好,免得一會(huì)又被他弄回來。于是中國人說:“那就先來瓶二鍋頭吧。”神仙滿足了他的愿望。法國人和美國人催促中國人趕快把第二個(gè)愿望說出來。中國人喝完二鍋頭后不緊不慢地對神仙說:“行了,沒事了,你丫走吧。
擴(kuò)展閱讀：
非常經(jīng)典有深度的電影英文臺詞
1.一個(gè)人總要走陌生的路，看陌生的風(fēng)景，聽陌生的歌，然后在某個(gè)不經(jīng)意的瞬間，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，原本是費(fèi)盡心機(jī)想要忘記的事情真的就那么忘記了。
One is always on a strange road, watching strange scenery and listening to strange music. Then one day, you will find that the things you try hard to forget are already gone.
2.幸福，不是長生不老，不是大魚大肉，不是權(quán)傾朝野。幸福是每一個(gè)微小的生活愿望達(dá)成。當(dāng)你想吃的時(shí)候有得吃，想被愛的時(shí)候有人來愛你。
Happiness is not about being immortal nor having food or rights in one's hand. It’s about having each tiny wish come true, or having something to eat when you are hungry or having someone's love when you need love.
3.愛情是燈，友情是影子，當(dāng)燈滅了，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)你的周圍都是影子。朋友，是在最后可以給你力量的人。
Love is a lamp, while friendship is the shadow. When the lamp is off,you will find the shadow everywhere. Friend is who can give you strength at last.
4.我愛你不是因?yàn)槟闶钦l，而是我在你面前可以是誰。
I love you not for who you are, but for who I am before you.
5.愛情，要么讓人成熟，要么讓人墮落。
Love makes man grow up or sink down.
6.舉得起放得下的叫舉重，舉得起放不下的叫負(fù)重�？上�，大多數(shù)人的愛情，都是負(fù)重的。
If you can hold something up and put it down, it is called weight-lifting; if you can hold something up but can never put it down,it's called burden-bearing. Pitifully, most of people are bearing heavy burdens when they are in love.
7.我們每個(gè)人都生活在各自的過去中，人們會(huì)用一分鐘的時(shí)間去認(rèn)識一個(gè)人，用一小時(shí)的時(shí)間去喜歡一個(gè)人，再用一天的時(shí)間去愛上一個(gè)人，到最后呢，卻要用一輩子的時(shí)間去忘記一個(gè)人。
We all live in the past. We take a minute to know someone, one hour to like someone, and one day to love someone, but the whole life to forget someone.
8.一個(gè)人一生可以愛上很多的人，等你獲得真正屬于你的幸福之后，你就會(huì)明白一起的傷痛其實(shí)是一種財(cái)富，它讓你學(xué)會(huì)更好地去把握和珍惜你愛的人。
One may fall in love with many people during the lifetime. When you finally get your own happiness, you will understand the previous sadness is kind of treasure, which makes you better to hold and cherish the people you love.
9.年輕的時(shí)候會(huì)想要談很多次戀愛，但是隨著年齡的增長，終于領(lǐng)悟到愛一個(gè)人，就算用一輩子的時(shí)間，還是會(huì)嫌不夠。慢慢地去了解這個(gè)人，體諒這個(gè)人，直到愛上為止，是需要有非常寬大的胸襟才行。
When you are young, you may want several love experiences. But as time goes on, you will realize that if you really love someone, the whole life will not be enough. You need time to know, to forgive and to love. All this needs a very big mind.
10.當(dāng)明天變成了今天成為了昨天，最后成為記憶里不www.lady-power.com再重要的某一天，我們突然發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在不知不覺中已被時(shí)間推著向前走，這不是靜止火車?yán)铮c相鄰列車交錯(cuò)時(shí)，仿佛自己在前進(jìn)的錯(cuò)覺，而是我們真實(shí)的在成長，在這件事里成了另一個(gè)自己。
When tomorrow turns in today, yesterday, and someday that no more important in your memory, we suddenly realize that we are pushed forward by time. This is not a train in still in which you may feel forward when another train goes by. It is the truth that we've all grown up. And we become different.
11.離開我就別安慰我，要知道每一次縫補(bǔ)也會(huì)遭遇穿刺的痛。
If you leave me, please don't comfort me because each sewing has to meet stinging pain.
12.曾經(jīng)擁有的，不要忘記。不能得到的，更要珍惜。屬于自己的，不要放棄。已經(jīng)失去的，留作回憶。
Don’t forget the things you once you owned. Treasure the things youcan’t get. Don't give up the things that belong to you and keep those lost things in memory.
13.我喜歡并習(xí)慣了對變化的東西保持著距離，這樣才會(huì)知道什么是最不會(huì)被時(shí)間拋棄的準(zhǔn)則。比如愛一個(gè)人，充滿變數(shù)，我于是后退一步，靜靜的看著，直到看見真誠的感情。
I love and am used to keeping a distance with those changed things.Only in this way can I know what will not be abandoned by time. For example, when you love someone, changes are all around. Then I step backward and watching it silently, then I see the true feelings.
14.男人的愛是俯視而生，而女人的愛是仰視而生。如果愛情像座山，那么男人越往上走可以俯視的女人就越多，而女人越往上走可以仰視的男人就越少。
Men love from overlooking while women love from looking up. If love is a mountain, then if men go up, more women they will see while women will see fewer men.
15.好的愛情是你通過一個(gè)人看到整個(gè)世界，壞的愛情是你為了一個(gè)人舍棄世界。
Good love makes you see the whole world from one person while bad love makes you abandon the whole world for one person.
16.在自己面前，應(yīng)該一直留有一個(gè)地方，獨(dú)自留在那里。然后去愛。不知道是什么，不知道是誰，不知道如何去愛，也不知道可以愛多久。只是等待一次愛情，也許永遠(yuǎn)都沒有人�？墒牵@種等待，就是愛情本身。
We shall always save a place for ourselves, only for ourselves. And then begin to love. Have no idea of what it is, who he is, how to love or how long it will be. Just wait for one love. Maybe no one will come out, but this kind of waiting is the love itself.
17.有誰不曾為那暗戀而痛苦?我們總以為那份癡情很重，很重，是世上最重的重量。有一天，暮然回首，我們才發(fā)現(xiàn)，它一直都是很輕，很輕的。我們以為愛的很深，很深，來日歲月，會(huì)讓你知道，它不過很淺，很淺。最深和最重的愛，必須和時(shí)日一起成長。
Is there anyone who hasn't suffered for the secret love? We always think that love is very heavy, heavy and could be the heaviest thing in the world. But one day, when you look back, you suddenly realize that it's always light, light. We all thought love was very deep, but in fact it's very thin. The deepest and heaviest love must grow up withthe time.
18.在這個(gè)世界上，只有真正快樂的男人，才能帶給女人真正的快樂。
In this world, only those men who really feel happy can give women happiness
19.女人如果不性感，就要感性;如果沒有感性，就要理性;如果沒有理性，就要有自知之明;如果連這個(gè)都沒有了，她只有不幸。
If a woman is not sexy, she needs emotion; if she is not emotional, she needs reason; if she is not reasonable, she has to know herself clearly. coz only she has is misfortune.
20.一段不被接受的愛情，需要的不是傷心，而是時(shí)間，一段可以用來遺忘的時(shí)間。一顆被深深傷了的心，需要的不是同情，而是理解。
An unacceptable love needs no sorrow but time- sometime for forgetting.A badly-hurt heart needs no sympathy but understanding.
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