2016雅思作文修改范例

　　雅思寫(xiě)作是最難以把握的，因?yàn)闆](méi)有絕對(duì)的正確答案�？绝唫兘�(jīng)常練習(xí)完后不知道自己哪有不對(duì)，過(guò)就過(guò)了，大量的題海戰(zhàn)術(shù)，各種模板生搬硬套，然而問(wèn)題還是在那里，并沒(méi)有得到解決，作文水平也就難以提高!以下是yjbys網(wǎng)小編整理的關(guān)于雅思作文修改范例，供大家備考。

　　題目：

　　The cheap air flight gives people more choices of traveling, while the problems caused by this transportation should also be considered.

　　Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

　　Along with the advances of society, an accumulating number of controversies have been bought to our attention, one of which is the cheap air flight.(開(kāi)頭段太套了，最多不會(huì)超過(guò)5.5分). Quite a few people view that the inexpensive flight enhances the choices(改為efficiency and convenience更具體) of traveling. Nevertheless towards the same issue, many others point out that we are supposed to take the problems caused by this way(改稱(chēng)its problems更簡(jiǎn)潔) into consideration. (Both sides of the arguments have very strong feelings and reasons.)這句話(huà)可以不寫(xiě)，太呆板了，建議你看幾篇考官范文的開(kāi)頭段，找找感覺(jué)。

　　改版后開(kāi)頭段：

　　The advances of society give rise to an accumulating number of controversies, one of which the cheap air flight. Conflicting with the problems it has caused, quite a few people view that the inexpensive flight enhance efficiency and convenience of traveling.

　　There are several reasons which(啰嗦刪掉) suggest that the cheap air flight is of great value for visitors traveling. To start with, it could exert conductive impact on economic thrift(加of an individual具體一些). That is to say, the prices of airplane tickets could be affordable for an increasing number of tourists who may have a spot of budget. (In this respect, the public must be in great favor of such a vehicle.) In addition, it enables passengers to save much time on transport. When they are confronted with the emergent situations, the cheap flight will be given to the top priority, because of the high efficiency.

　　分析：

　　用詞還可以，寫(xiě)作內(nèi)容基本清晰，但是明顯感覺(jué)到刻意使用一些連接手段，顯得有點(diǎn)刻板。

　　簡(jiǎn)單修改一下：

　　Advocates of this believe that both the common price and the traveling efficiency should not be ignored. Firstly, the price of an airplane ticket could be affordable for an increasing number of tourists who may have a spot of budget. In this respect, the public must be in great favor of such a vehicle. In addition, a flight enables passengers to save much time on transport. Especially when they are confronted with the emergent situations, the cheap flight will be given to the top priority, because of the high efficiency with low cost.

　　下面這段給你自己留著，你看看會(huì)不會(huì)根據(jù)我們之前的修改例子對(duì)語(yǔ)言進(jìn)行簡(jiǎn)化、名詞化或者具體化。

　　Some other, nonetheless, hold the opposite opinion, strongly believing that we should attach more emphasis on the issues caused by inexpensive flight. First of all, it pose a considerable threat to the environment. Hardy can any one deny that, these huge planes use a sizable proportion of fuel and greatly give rise to global warming and air pollution. Besides a majority of accidents have adverse influence on visitors safety. Not only could it be detrimental to people’s well-being, but also it could not satisfy the demands of passengers.

　　There is probably some element of truth in both arguments. As far as I am concerned, the cheap air flight is indispensable to the visitors, but it is rational for people to pay more attention to the problems caused by this transportation for the simple reason that it damage the environment. What’s more, it pose a potential threat to people security. (改成environmental damaging as well as potential threat to people’s security名詞化簡(jiǎn)潔 )

　　希望以上信息能對(duì)烤鴨們的寫(xiě)作有所助益。另外建議懵懂的烤鴨們多研讀考官滿(mǎn)分范文，提高自己用詞和用句的膽量。其實(shí)很多表達(dá)都是你會(huì)但是不敢寫(xiě)的。很多你們寫(xiě)作中的疑問(wèn)都會(huì)在考官范文中得到更權(quán)威的回答。

【雅思作文修改】相關(guān)文章：

如何修改雅思作文08-08

2016雅思寫(xiě)作段落精細(xì)修改范例08-28

如何修改英語(yǔ)作文08-24

怎么修改php后綴09-30

WinPE系統(tǒng)修改方法09-05

修改WiFi密碼教程07-22

php網(wǎng)站修改工具06-18

雅思雅思口語(yǔ)考試真題10-12

雅思作文分類(lèi)詞匯10-19