對初中英語作文A story的評析

　　A story

　　I am going to tell a story beteen my father and me which has been in my heart for days.One day ,I wanted to go to the net bar bear my school.But I have no money.How can I go there?I thougt and thougt. Suddenly I got an idea.I told a lie to my father for 50 yuan.He said if the money is used for my study ,he give me as much as he can. As soon as I got the money ,I ran to the net bar and spend all the money playing computer games. How time flies! Now I have been a student in Grade Three. When I think of it ,I feel sorry for my father. I must study hard instead of doing such things in order to be a good student. I am sure he will be proud of me in the future.

　　點評：

　　1文中“I wanted to go to the net bar bear my school.”中的“bear ”應該為“near ”.2.“But I have no money.How can I go there?”因敘述過去的事，應采用一般過去時，故“have”應改為“had”,“can”應改為“could”,3.“He said if the money is used for my study ,he give me as much as he can. ”因此句為含有賓語從句的復合句，主句用一般過去時，從句也應用過去的某種時態(tài)，故“is”應改為“was”,“give”應改為“would give”,“can”應改為“could”,4.“I ran to the net bar and spend all the money playing computer games. ”并列謂語“ran”,“spend”應時態(tài)一致，故“spend”應改為“spent”,

　　本文從整體上看語句連貫，意義完整，并且使用了較復雜的句子結構。文章最大的不足是使用時態(tài)時缺乏深入的思考，另外在最后一段第二句之后如再加一句：I come to realize that I did wrong in the past .我認為效果更好一點。

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